good mother myth, IFS, lived experiences, Mothering, reflections, therapy

On Maternal Envy

aleksandrastaneva

I used to see them. I still see them. The Mothers. The ones who seem effortlessly composed, whose kids adore them, whose homes radiate warmth, whose careers thrive without chaos. I watch, and something sharp stirs in me- envy.

Melanie Klein would call it a primitive force, a part of me that feels deprived, believing there isn’t enough goodness to go around. Jung would say it’s my shadow, reflecting a disowned longing. In IFS, I meet the part of me that aches, who feels like she’s always been just trying to survive, never quite arriving at ease.

Envy was fully blended with me when I first became a mother. Envy looked outside and took bits and pieces of the story of another person who seemed to have it all sorted, composed in the playground, haired WASHED, clothes UNSTAINED, and omgosh is she reading a BOOK while “baby naps” in the stroller right next to her?!?! 

As I was struggling with my own inadequacy as a new mum, the Perfectionist in me quickly learned how to “appear” like I have my shit together. I will simply have to look LIKE I am breezing through motherhood. That turns out, is where we get it wrong. At least I did. The pretense made it tenfold worse, harder, tiring… until I let go (not as easy as I can write this today). Took years of self exploration, inner work, therapy, talking to other mothers and reading honest and real stories that inspired and motivated me to … be. Simply be. The mother that I am. Embracing Envy. 

But envy isn’t the enemy. I should have known better and sooner. It’s a map. It points to what I desire, to what I believe is missing. And when I sit with it, past the sharp edges, I find something deeper, grief for the mother I never had, compassion for the mother I am, and the quiet understanding that no one actually has it all figured out.

The work isn’t to silence envy but to listen,

to let it soften into inspiration instead of lack.

#MotherhoodUnfiltered #IFS #JungianTherapy #MelanieKlein #ShadowWork #EnvyAsACompass #ConsciousParenting #SelfLeadership #HealingJourney #PersonalGrowth

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Published by aleksandrastaneva

Aleksandra She, who remembers. I work at the threshold, where psyche speaks in symbols, and the soul remembers. Rooted in Jungian depth psychology and Internal Family Systems, my work invites women and seekers into the quiet, often forgotten places within: the underworlds of grief, the wild terrain of desire, the sacred chambers of the inner child, inner mother, the Shadowlands, and Self. With a background in women’s heath research, in ritual, and in lived experience spaces, I do not offer diagnosis or treatment, I offer devotion to the unfolding Self. On the threshold of becoming- where we always are. Through dreams, parts work, myth, and the body, I walk beside those ready to meet themselves fully, fiercely, and tenderly. This is not fast work. It is sacred work. It is not about fixing, it is about remembering. I do not promise certainty. I promise presence, and a deep trust in the wisdom already within you. My work is rooted in the wild: in the seasons and the body, in the wisdom of the land, and in the deep ecology of the soul. I honour the personal as political, and the psychological as inseparable from the cultural. Feminism, ecopsychology, and embodied awareness are not add-ons here, they are the soil this work grows from. I offer one-on-one soulwork sessions, women’s circles, and immersive psychoeducational experiences that weave together depth psychology, parts work, and embodiment. Some of this work unfolds indoors, some in wild places—always with reverence for the wisdom of nature, the nervous system, and the feminine psyche. Welcome to the HORÓ nest. I think you might just be ready to re-member your Self.

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