How those early ways of connection with a significant other were set up, continuously affects our adult relationships.
The attachment style you developed as a child based on your relationship with a parent or early caretaker doesn’t have to define your ways of relating to those you love in your adult life.
Although knowing it is the first step to addressing it.
If you come to know your attachment style, you can uncover ways you are defending yourself from getting close and being emotionally connected and work toward forming an “earned secure attachment.”
You can challenge your defenses by choosing a partner with a secure attachment style, and work on developing yourself in that relationship.
Therapy can also be helpful for changing maladaptive attachment patterns. By becoming aware of your attachment style, both you and your partner can challenge the insecurities and fears supported by your age-old working models and develop new styles of attachment for sustaining a satisfying, loving relationship, says attachment expert Lisa Firestone.
Most of all you need to look inwards, see the story, connect the dots, and build a coherent narrative about how life was for you, in order to build the life you have right now.