inner child, Mothering, therapy

Defenses against early abandonment

All of us, but certainly in different degrees, have abandoned parts. Abandoned inner parts which have been ignored, rejected or abused when we we little.
Children though come up with the most ingenious defenses against abandonment, which are usually deeply unconscious.

🖤 Denial – a common one. This never happened to me. Life was awesome. I had the most perfect childhood. You may actually be one of the few lucky ones. I am yet to meet such a person although I do know a few close ones. The rest of us know how it is only once we are ready to look back with honesty we can see a different reality. This usually brings lots of discomfort and pain so it is quite often avoided.
🖤 Intellectualization – even more common I would say. This defense gives lots of external power and can sustain your system. Until it doesn’t. Because finding the truth about ourselves does not happen through intellectual wisdom. The mind is only the start. It takes you to the Counselling room.
🖤 “As if personality”. I work with lots of women who share feeling like they are playing life. To accommodate the sense of not being seen they simply choose to disappear. Or build a False Self. This experience brings about feelings of emptiness, futility like nothing ever matters, and a deep sense of emptiness.
🖤 Dreams, usually repetitive, that they are dead or are partially dead…
🖤 Mutual dependency or co-dependency to parents and inability to individuate. Lots of women that come to my practice share the unconscious need to get their parents approval…or they displace this need towards their children. Overindulging in a continuous seek for affirmation, for repair. Seeking from their children something they never got from their parents.

♥️Are you in a search of your True Self?
♥️We cannot change our past but we can most certainly repair ourselves and regain our lost integrity! We can shift from unaware victims of the past to responsible individuals now able to live With that past!

♥️🖤♥️Aleksandra Staneva, PhD is a Soul Psychotherapist in private practice in Brisbane


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