good mother myth, IFS, lived experiences, Mothering, therapy

On •Self• in Motherhood

Within the IFS (Internal Family System) framework of therapy (and doing life for me, really) the idea of the Self (with capital S) takes a central stage. It’s our seat of consciousness, our Inner Golden Buddha nature, our endless well of light, our wisest, highest, and truest “I”.

🌀Self is beyond words and definitions however the infamous 8Cs (qualities that describe what it means to be in Self) provide an idea, an energetic charge to what we get to know only through experience as Self.

In my work with Mothers, I try to encourage women to remember all their innate qualities (at the core of our Self).


We mothers, however, have sometimes buried our Selves as a result of both personal trauma as well as cultural wounding and societal norms that push Mothers towards the •PERFECT MOTHER• (which does not exist in human form).

Sometimes we spend a lot of time and effort searching and unblending from Parts that hold Anger, Ambivalence, Rage, Incompetence, Fear, Worry, Anxiety, Depression, A sense of inadequacy… before we can access what is already always within us – our true Self.

This cracks open my heart fully to my entire pallet of Mothering experiences. My Deeply loving parts, my Most caring, tender, present, gentle, raw and fierce Inner Mothers.

Self energy is a Mother to me means that I accept, value, understand and untimely befriend all of my parts. It means I sit comfortably with my Anger; I dialogue regularly with my Sense of total failure; and I have tea with my Ambivalence.
I hold grief gently and I offer it what it needs. Namely, I give it my full presence, Self energy and compassion.

Because the only way … is through!

How do you experience your Self in Motherhood?

With much love


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