good mother myth, IFS, lived experiences, Mothering, reflections

Raising a teen boy is hard, also it is totally awesome

aleksandrastaneva

My cacao’s message – Relating and togetherness is at the core of all (what I see here is my son and myself sitting on the ocean shore and having one of those unplanned for deep conversations, and his body is as big as mine usually but I love to see him little, just like in here)

As a feminist mother, I try to nurture my relationship with my son by moving away from traditional gender roles and keeping central our emotional openness.

I want him to feel safe expressing his feelings and to understand and respect others’ – not always easy for a teen whose developmental stage requires a deep self centered orientation to all.

When I am thrown into the next level of chaos I (have to) remember that our relationship is central and comes first; “we both work on understanding our inner selves”, I often say to him, which helps us grow and heal together.

We speak of our Parts. We normalize and invite all nuances of what being a male human is about- not just being strong, active, driven, good, decent, kind, etc. it is also about feeling angry, frustrated, uncomfortable, bored, grieving and misunderstood, also caring, nurturing, quiet and even passive. It is only within a supportive bond where he can be all of this and ultimately himself without the pressure of conventional expectations, especially the limited range of Masculinity set out for himself by society.

The teen years bring their own set of challenges, with my son seeking more independence and sometimes (and I mean always) pushing boundaries. It is a tumultuous time, filled with misunderstandings and conflicts. However, during these moments, I always remind myself of what truly matters: our relationship. I stay committed to our open communication and mutual respect, using the principles of IFS to navigate through the rough patches. By prioritizing our bond, I aim to guide him with love and understanding, helping him grow into a compassionate and self-aware individual. Well, that’s my hope nevertheless. I hope I get to do it at least 30% of the time. The rest is filled with raptures… followed by repairs. B’cos you got it by now – OUR RELATIONSHIP requires me to start again and again and again. With a forgiving heart.

♥️ a.

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Published by aleksandrastaneva

Aleksandra She, who remembers. I work at the threshold, where psyche speaks in symbols, and the soul remembers. Rooted in Jungian depth psychology and Internal Family Systems, my work invites women and seekers into the quiet, often forgotten places within: the underworlds of grief, the wild terrain of desire, the sacred chambers of the inner child, inner mother, the Shadowlands, and Self. With a background in women’s heath research, in ritual, and in lived experience spaces, I do not offer diagnosis or treatment, I offer devotion to the unfolding Self. On the threshold of becoming- where we always are. Through dreams, parts work, myth, and the body, I walk beside those ready to meet themselves fully, fiercely, and tenderly. This is not fast work. It is sacred work. It is not about fixing, it is about remembering. I do not promise certainty. I promise presence, and a deep trust in the wisdom already within you. My work is rooted in the wild: in the seasons and the body, in the wisdom of the land, and in the deep ecology of the soul. I honour the personal as political, and the psychological as inseparable from the cultural. Feminism, ecopsychology, and embodied awareness are not add-ons here, they are the soil this work grows from. I offer one-on-one soulwork sessions, women’s circles, and immersive psychoeducational experiences that weave together depth psychology, parts work, and embodiment. Some of this work unfolds indoors, some in wild places—always with reverence for the wisdom of nature, the nervous system, and the feminine psyche. Welcome to the HORÓ nest. I think you might just be ready to re-member your Self.

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