lived experiences, nature, reflections, Uncategorized

On holding on to this moment (and then not)

aleksandrastaneva

Lately, as life’s favorite trick I have come to expect, things have been hard. Everywhere.

I dodge a bullet and there isn’t even a chance for a breath before the next one loads up, just like a Tetris piece flying at you when you are at expert level. Fast. Lightning.

I am often shocked that somehow there is always a slot to slot it, yet the stress that goes through my body while the pieces keep coming, takes firm hold.

And the solid ground begins to shake and to crack, and woooosh I go wobbling about, until some firm hands find me and hold me tight back into my centre.

But when those helpful hands are nowhere close, I hold on to today. Not even. I hold onto this moment. This inhale. This potato that I get to peel. This message I get to respond to. This story I get to remember. This song.

Breathing in. Hold. Breathing out. This moment. And this one. And now – this one. And the 5 moments that passed as I am writing this paragraph.

As if my life depended on it. Because it does.

When I was deeply involved in Buddhism around the death of my father, I found the concept of impermanence incredibly supportive. It would ground me in today and I could allow any experience to flow through me.

Impermanence refers to the fundamental idea that everything in existence is transient, subject to change, and lacks a lasting, unchanging essence. It acknowledges the constant flux and ephemeral nature of all phenomena, the inevitability of birth, change, decay, and ultimately, death, as well as the endless possibilities of new cycles. Embracing impermanence is a key aspect of various philosophical and spiritual traditions, encouraging an awareness and acceptance of the ever-shifting nature of life.

My own spiritual practice is a daily reminder about everything changing. Flowing. Transforming. When you think you can’t take any second more of something excruciatingly painful, it changes. When you happily lick your lips in delightful satisfaction that you have it soooo good, that you have achieved it soooo well, the rug gets pulled from underneath you, and sometimes the floor with it…

And here you are again. And here I am again. Suspended in the air. Not grasping onto anything. Just here. And now. This breath, this moment, today, this sandwich with a dear friend, this embrace, this rejection, this loss, this love, this life – distilled into 2 seconds, yet absolutely preciously full right in this moment.

Not holding onto it. Allowing it to pass through me.

And this helps me. I hope it helps you too.

With all my love,

Aleks

Published by aleksandrastaneva

I am a Mother, an academic, and a psychotherapist. My work centers around women's health and women's studies and mental health, particularly maternal perinatal mental health, pregnancy, birth, trauma and postnatal depression; I also work in youth wellbeing and cancer projects; I write books (for children and story-tales for grown ups) because I fully believe that stories carry an enormous transformative power! "Stories are medicine" (C P Estes). I explore human connection, maternal mental issues (ante- and post-natal depression), feminism for boys and girls, fatherhood, gender diverse families and alternative approaches to health and healing. I lead women's groups that explore various concepts around human connection, what it means to be a 21 century woman, and a mother through art, fairy-tales and archetypal work. I am a level 2 Internal Family Systems trained practitioner. I offer Individual and Couples therapy both in person and online, as well as IFS Group therapy healing circles. Both my work and life are grounded in feminism and social activism to progress environmental, anti-stigma and awareness-raising causes. Welcome!

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